Fighting the tears already

Noah is done with preschool. Gulp.

The teachers at his preschool make random observations throughout the year. Usually we are told in passing some of these observations. This year his teacher saved some of the best observation slips for little keepsakes. Here are some of my favorites:

- Noah sees his reflection in the window and says in a nonchalant tone, "Oh, there's my other Noah"

- While climbing on the jungle gym outside Noah noticed the recycling symbol and says, "Hey we can recycle our playground"

- Noah was making a structure on the table and it began to fall over and he yells, "Hey I need help! My "which way" sign keeps falling and it needs to be big so people can see it!"

- Noah had plastic pegs and says "see what I made, it says 2-0-1-0. That is the current year, cause I know you didn't know that"

- Noah was making lava lamps. He watched the blue bubbles move in the bottle. He gets very excited and says, "It's blueberries! That's how you make blueberries!"

I can't believe he is going to be in kindergarten next year. He is going to LOVE it! He is a little sponge who soaks up everything. He loves science and reading. What a great combo.

I almost cried when he gave me his preschool diploma. He is simply amazing. I can't wait to see where he is going!

Hungry?

Ok, seriously! Can you believe this is crochet?!! Wowsa.

Maybe you could put a little liquid smoke on your wrists and away you go!

See more of this little beauty HERE

Attitude and Tolerance

Since I got back home after my mom passing away it has really helped for me to sink myself into my training (I plan on doing a triathlon on Sunday and a half marathon in June). I have found that I have been able to tolerate a lot more physical pain and am able to push through that pain a lot easier.

I am not sure if this is because of my attitude. I have been dead set on accomplishing some things despite what my body may tell me. You know, when I first started running, I could only do 1.5 miles before my mind told me that it was time to walk (now my usual run is 5-6miles). However, my body was capable of more.

I also have been thinking it may be because I have a lack of caring in how much I can tolerate when pushing myself to that next level. I guess I have this attitude of seeing how far I can go before my body fails. I want to see where my body fails. This may seem a little twisted, but really, I want to know how strong I am. Am I really strong enough to push past my mind telling me I can take no more?

When I run I think about how weak a heart can become when mistreated. How a lot of Americans, because they can't literally see their heart, are mistreating their bodies most essential muscle.

Then I think of those folks participating on Biggest Loser. If they can do it, why can't I? Why can't I run 35 sprints - cause that girl just did?

I prepare for my workouts my eating the right things. Fueling up my body to get through what I am going to push it through. However, one time I ran 8 miles on half of a banana and 4 sips of water.

Our physical potential goes way beyond what our mind tells us is our limit. I plan on crossing that finish line on Sunday knowing that I laid it all out. Every time I feel that burn I will not stop until my muscle fails, not my mind telling me to slow down or to stop. My physical potential goes way beyond what my mind tells me it is. Our bodies can tolerate more than our mind can tolerate.

Whatever it is your mind is limiting you to do - can you push past it? Does it take turning myself off in one aspect of my mind (dealing with my mom's passing) to overcome my mind setting limits on another part of my life (my training)? Funny how fickle our minds can be, isn't it?

Remembering my Mom

(This was the last picture I took of her. It was in October of '09)

I am trying to show a smile while being surrounded by commercials, cards, etc., etc. reminding me of my Mom. I have two boys who are eagerly anticipating Mother's Day so they can surprise me, their mommy. However, deep inside me I am screaming STOP! It feels like my heart is being ripped out more and more cause I can't call her and tell her she was a great mom and I love her so very much. As time goes by I am missing her more and more, not less and less.

I miss her...

When I was a little girl, every time her car keys would jingle, I would go running to her asking "where are you going?" Cause, of course, she could not go without me.

Every morning when Caleb awakes he asks, "Where are we going today momma?"

She taught me less is more when it comes to wearing makeup.

I am trying to teach Noah that when it comes to toys!

I remember when she held me while I cried my heart out when me and my high school boyfriend broke up.

I remember hearing Noah cry his heart out when they took him back at the hospital for surgery on his leg, when he was 2.

She always had some sort of old wives tale for whatever ailment or situation.

I am learning that some of her old remedies work great on my boy's boo-boos.

When she was little she would get off the school bus and step into a cotton field to work before going home to do her school work. Thus giving her a good work ethic.

She was not wasteful. She knew the art of canning. Which she passed onto me and I am so thankful. I was able to can several jars of blueberry jam this past summer and was able to give my last two to Noah's teachers this week as part of Teach Appreciation Week.

She got me my first sewing machine and taught me how to use it. I will be finishing a baby quilt for my cousin that she was going to give her as a baby gift.

She taught me the art to yard sailing. :)

I remember one time the transmission went out in the car and she drove our car in reverse all the way home from the grocery store (luckily it was only like a mile!)

When I was packing away her things I found a box and in it were all the cards I have ever made or sent to her, going all the way back to elementary school. I wish I could have them with me this weekend to re-read.

Even though I am 32 years old, when I am sick, nothing makes me feel better than when my momma takes care of me. There is just something about a momma's love

The thing I am most proud of is that she was baptized into Christ on Oct 29, 2008. She had more joy in the last 18 months of her life than any one person I have known. She was one of those Christians who was "on fire" for Christ and she did not fade out, she fanned that flame more and more. The greatest treasure I have is her personal Bible. To go back and read her notes and see her growth. I hang my head in shame. She was more of a Christian in 18months than I have been in my 7 sevens since I was baptized. She was a beautiful person inside and out and I praise God that he gave me her cheekbones, feet, hands, and eyes and praise Him even more that He was patient and I know where my momma is. She is on her way to her mansion filled with all of her yard sailing treasures.

I miss her.....

She loved my boys and I love her and will have a smile on my face when my little treasures love on me this weekend.

Comfort

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, The Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort which we ourselves are comforted by God

II Corinthians 1:3,4

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience, endurance, and perseverance.

James 1:2,3

Fee

This song has really been in my head. I have been singing it all the time, for obvious reasons. It's just so true.

Everything Falls by Fee

you said
you'd never leave or foresake me
when you said,
this life is gonna shake me
you said
this world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
this i know

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
your the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on

when i see
the darkness all around me
when i see
the tragedy has found me
i still believe
your faithful arms will never let me go
and still i know

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
your the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on

sorrow willl last for the night
but hope is rising with the sun
(its rising with the sun)
there will be storms in this life
but i know you will overcome

you have overcome

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
your the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on

I wish my mom could have seen what I saw this morning while running on the coastal trail. Beautiful sunshine, awesome snow capped mountain bathed in sun, the city sitting below the mountains, the water so shiny. Then I have to remember how of this world my thoughts are and how she is bathed in the most radiant light of all. She is among the most beautiful sights and sounds that our primitive brains can't fathom.

So, to help myself get off the sorrowful thoughts that seem to consume my brain day after day, I decided to focus on something mom and I loved to do - make crafty stuff.

Teacher Appreciation week is just around the corner, so if you have a child in preschool or "everyday school" as we call it - I hope you are preparing to love on your child's teacher for they are huge influences in their lives.

So, Noah and I made some aromatherapy bath fizzies (also called bath bombs). Throw them in a warm bath and they fizz all around in the bath and give off a yummy smell and if you add oil in the recipe, can make your bath great! The boys tried out a couple of left overs from our makings and they loved them. I really like the smell too - lavender peppermint. You can find recipes to make them all over the internet. They were easy and quick.

We then got cute little jars. We found some cute patterned tape (in the dollar aisle!!) at Michaels that make quick work of vamping of the jars. Print out a cute tag that gives ingredients and instructions, slap it on. I also found these eye masks at Michaels for $1. Pair it up and VOILA! One awesome teacher gift that is handmade and cheap.

Ok. That took enough out of me to type all of that. I am trying to make my posts more cheery - just might take a little more time... :(

Substitutes

So I have been told, that when I need my mom most, God will send me someone to help me. It may be a number of different people.

I don't want a substitute.

I guess God is going to change my mind about that.

You may find me kicking and screaming. You WILL find me kicking and screaming.

I don't want a substitute.